The Sentence

Representative Stanton, on account of a recent temporary absence from his seat in the House of Representatives, was humorously tried by the “Powers that be,” convicted and mulcted in the respective sums of several apples and several gallons of Lager.  Being an abstemious man, and further, being desirous to avoid every thing which would prejudice his matrimonial prospects, Mr. S. eschewed the Lager and took the apples.  In about an hour after the rendition of the verdict, Mr. S. with a ponderous sack on his shoulders, entered the House and was introduced by the door-keeper in the style following, to wit:

“Mr. Speaker; Report from the Chairman of the Committee on Fruit!”

Mr. S. traversed the Hall about midway, and then, throwing the sack from his shoulders, showered the tempting apples along the isle.  The equanimity of the House was disturbed.  The practical look of the “goat” brought down the house with a guffaw, and then there was a recess of five minutes, during which time there was a demolition of the apple kingdom unparalleled in the annals of legislation.  Mother Eve diverged from her ordinary round of duty, on account of an apple; and other folks followed her example.  They have a right to. – Des Moines Register.

– Published in The Davenport Daily Gazette, Davenport, Iowa, Tuesday Morning, April 1, 1862, p. 2