Saturday, April 18, 2015

Diary of Margaret Junkin Preston: May 5, 1863

Today brings news of a terrible battle — but no particulars; only that General Frank Paxton is killed; Jackson and A. P. Hill wounded. Of the mothers in this town, almost all of them have sons in this battle; not one lays her head on her pillow this night, sure that her sons are not slain. This suspense must be awful. Mrs. Estill has four sons there; Mrs. Moore two; Mrs. Graham three, and so on. Yet not a word of special news, except that a copy of General Lee's telegram came, saying, a decided victory, but at great cost. God pity the tortured hearts that will pant through this night! And the agony of the poor wife who has heard that her husband is really killed! I was told to-night that a few weeks ago General Paxton wrote to his wife, sending his will, with minute directions in regard to his property; telling her that he had made a profession of religion; that he was expecting to be killed in the next battle, and was resigned and willing to die.

My brother John is a surgeon in the Federal army; it is routed, we hear; so I don't know what may be his fate; nor can I know. I pray God he may be safe. The Northern people can't conceive the horrors of this war. It is far away from them; their private soldiers are all from the lower classes — persons with whom the masses of Christian and cultivated people feel no tie in common; while the mass of Southern private soldiers are from the educated classes; this makes a woeful difference in the suffering a battle entails: not that these Dutch and Irish and uneducated people have no friends to mourn for them — But oh! the sickness of soul with which almost every household in this town awaits the tidings to-morrow may bring!

SOURCE: Elizabeth Preston Allan, The Life and Letters of Margaret Junkin Preston, p. 163

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