HEADQUARTERS 54TH REGT.
O. V. INF. U. S. A.,
March 2, 1862.
As you are perhaps aware, I marched from Ohio without arms,
having condemned those which were furnished us from the State, and am now
waiting arms from the arsenal at St. Louis, which I expected upon my arrival;
these we still expect from day to day, and upon their reception will be put upon
the march instantly. I do not know certainly, but have reason to believe our
destination is the South — perhaps New Orleans, perhaps Texas. As soon as we
move and as soon as I am properly advised of our destination, you shall be
apprised. You must not permit yourself for one moment to be uneasy about me.
Remember, as I have frequently told you, I have faced death in all its forms,
and am yet unscathed; that the same watchful eye of Providence is upon me now,
and will be upon me hereafter, that has scanned every good and every ill
attending me from my cradle up. That if my life is worth preserving for any
useful purpose, the God who gave will not take it back till its full course is
run. I am at this moment writing in the midst of a violent thunderstorm which rocks
and shakes the house I am sitting in. Nature is convulsed and the elemental war
is raging round me. The petty warfare of man is as nothing compared to this.
Our battles sink into insignificance. What is the rattling of musketry or the
roar of cannon to the pealing reverberations from the thunder cloud; or the
glittering bayonet or whistling sword to the scathing bolt from heaven that
consumes quicker than thought can flash through the brain of man? Yet through
this I sit calm and unconcerned, trusting as the child that nestles upon your
lap. Why then should I fear what man can do? Why should you be apprehensive for
me? As I always write, keep up a brave heart, dear wife. I cannot ask you not
to be anxious, for that would be to ask you to lay aside that love I so dearly
cherish. I know that anxiety and fear and anguish and weakness are inseparable
from the sweet affection you bear for me, that all my philosophy will not cause
your heart to abate one throb of its agony of apprehension. I only ask you to pray
for strength, and strength will be given you. Do not permit your mind to dwell
upon sorrows that may never come, but rather hope and rejoice in bright
anticipations of a glowing future. Believe that I shall come back with bright
honor, that at the worst if I fall, I shall leave to the dear children we both
love so dearly the priceless heritage of a patriot's name. Sad hearts are
mourning all over the desolated land. Tears are raining from scores of
thousands of eyes this blessed Sunday. Brave hearts are swelling and yearning
with affection for the loved ones at home throughout the ranks of five hundred
thousand men. I strive to give you cheer. God help me, I am called upon to
cheer almost a thousand who look to me for counsel. Again, pray for strength for
yourself, and that strength may be given you to comfort others in affliction.
SOURCE: Walter George Smith, Life and letters of
Thomas Kilby Smith, p. 185-6
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