Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Colonel Thomas Kilby Smith to Elizabeth Budd Smith, March 2, 1862

HEADQUARTERS 54TH REGT. O. V. INF. U. S. A.,
March 2, 1862.

As you are perhaps aware, I marched from Ohio without arms, having condemned those which were furnished us from the State, and am now waiting arms from the arsenal at St. Louis, which I expected upon my arrival; these we still expect from day to day, and upon their reception will be put upon the march instantly. I do not know certainly, but have reason to believe our destination is the South — perhaps New Orleans, perhaps Texas. As soon as we move and as soon as I am properly advised of our destination, you shall be apprised. You must not permit yourself for one moment to be uneasy about me. Remember, as I have frequently told you, I have faced death in all its forms, and am yet unscathed; that the same watchful eye of Providence is upon me now, and will be upon me hereafter, that has scanned every good and every ill attending me from my cradle up. That if my life is worth preserving for any useful purpose, the God who gave will not take it back till its full course is run. I am at this moment writing in the midst of a violent thunderstorm which rocks and shakes the house I am sitting in. Nature is convulsed and the elemental war is raging round me. The petty warfare of man is as nothing compared to this. Our battles sink into insignificance. What is the rattling of musketry or the roar of cannon to the pealing reverberations from the thunder cloud; or the glittering bayonet or whistling sword to the scathing bolt from heaven that consumes quicker than thought can flash through the brain of man? Yet through this I sit calm and unconcerned, trusting as the child that nestles upon your lap. Why then should I fear what man can do? Why should you be apprehensive for me? As I always write, keep up a brave heart, dear wife. I cannot ask you not to be anxious, for that would be to ask you to lay aside that love I so dearly cherish. I know that anxiety and fear and anguish and weakness are inseparable from the sweet affection you bear for me, that all my philosophy will not cause your heart to abate one throb of its agony of apprehension. I only ask you to pray for strength, and strength will be given you. Do not permit your mind to dwell upon sorrows that may never come, but rather hope and rejoice in bright anticipations of a glowing future. Believe that I shall come back with bright honor, that at the worst if I fall, I shall leave to the dear children we both love so dearly the priceless heritage of a patriot's name. Sad hearts are mourning all over the desolated land. Tears are raining from scores of thousands of eyes this blessed Sunday. Brave hearts are swelling and yearning with affection for the loved ones at home throughout the ranks of five hundred thousand men. I strive to give you cheer. God help me, I am called upon to cheer almost a thousand who look to me for counsel. Again, pray for strength for yourself, and that strength may be given you to comfort others in affliction.

SOURCE: Walter George Smith, Life and letters of Thomas Kilby Smith, p. 185-6

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