Sunday, June 1, 2014

Colonel Thomas Kilby Smith to Elizabeth Budd Smith, January 3, 1863

Headquarters Fourth Brigade, Second Div.,
“MilliKEN's Bend,” Louisiana, January 3, 1863.

I seize a moment to write you a brief letter, for I know how anxious you all must be about me. The papers, who know everything, and more too, will have apprised you long before you receive this letter that we have had a fight, that we have met the enemy and that they are not ours; and you will imagine, of course, that I am captured, wounded and killed, but by the grace of God I’ve come out of the ruins unscathed. I went under fire Saturday evening, about six o'clock, 27th ult.; was in raging battle Sunday and Monday; and Sunday, very early in the action, Gen. Morgan L. Smith was shot pretty badly in the hip and had to go off the field. I think he’ll die. By General Sherman's order, General Stuart assumed command of the division and I of the brigade, but Stuart being unwell I virtually had command of the whole division during the fight of Sunday. After the first part of the affair was over, Gen. A. J. Smith, as ranking officer, took command. I had ten regiments and three batteries of sixteen guns before Smith came. My men behaved splendidly, especially in our own regiment, which, however, suffered a good deal, nineteen killed and wounded; my best captain badly wounded. Our loss is pretty heavy, but the enemy must have suffered terribly. I am now in command of the old brigade, composed of the 54th Ohio, 55th Illinois, 57th Ohio, 83d Indiana, and 127th Illinois, with two fine batteries. The 83d Indiana is a noble regiment, commanded by Colonel Spooner, of Lawrenceburgh; he knows your father well. I led his regiment under their first fire myself and can testify to their gallantry. I suppose the Administration will have too much to do to think of the promotion of so insignificant and humble an individual as me, but it is pretty hard to take the responsibility of commanding brigades without the rank. Yet this is the second big fight in which I've been compelled to it, to say nothing of minor skirmishes. My own little regiment is a brick; she'll follow me to hell at the word go. Never falters, never complains. We lay in that swamp, among the mud-turtles and alligators, a week, and short of rations, and not the first man whimpered. I had a fellow shot through the hand, shattering it and maiming him for life; the ball broke the stock of his rifle, and instead of complaining about his hand, he went hunting about for another gun, cursing the enemy for breaking his; however, all these incidents of battle are very uninteresting to you and it is really wonderful how soon we forget them. There is a party of officers sitting now at my right hand, laughing and talking and playing cards, whose lives, twenty-four hours ago, were not worth a rush, who have been in the imminent and deadly breach, who have lost comrades and soldiers from their companies, and who this moment are entirely oblivious of the fact.

The weather has been generally warm and pleasant for the past ten or twelve days; is now warm enough, but it rains tremendously. I am told, by those who know the climate, that it rains at this season of the year, after it once sets in, for six weeks, then storms for six weeks, and then rains again. I don't know how this may be, but God preserve us from having days of such rain as has been pouring down this.

They all seem to be looking forward to Christmas, with the usual fond anticipations of childhood, and with that they wish I could be with them. My Christmas was far away, sailing on the Mississippi; my dinner, for supplies were very short, a homely dish of codfish and potatoes minced, with a relish of stewed beans. My New Year's Day was passed under the rifle-pits and batteries of the enemy in one of the vast swamps of the Mississippi, beneath huge cottonwood and sweet gum trees overgrown with the long peculiar moss of the country that flaunts in the breeze like funeral weeds. On Saturday night, while I was planting a battery, a huge owl — one of the species that make these swamps their home — flapped his wings right over me, and roosting in the tree above my head gave an unearthly screech and wound up with a laugh and prolonged ha! ha! ha! so much like the utterance of a human being as almost to startle me. I took it for an omen. Where will my next Christmas be, where shall I make my next New Year's call? The last has been an eventful year to me; for the past nine months each day has been filled with thrilling incidents. I should like a little rest. I should like to lie down and be quiet. I should like to have some one soothe my brow, and make me feel as if I were a little child again. That is a beautiful idea in Scripture, where we are taught that all must become as little children, before they can enter into the kingdom of heaven. It is almost heaven to feel like a little child on earth. But now my business is to slay and destroy, to exercise all my intellect in the destruction of human life and property.

SOURCE: Walter George Smith, Life and letters of Thomas Kilby Smith, p. 251-3

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