February 8.
You know by this
time, perhaps, that I have changed my mind about the black regiment. After
father left, I began to think I had made a mistake in refusing Governor
Andrew's offer. . . . Going for another three years is not nearly so
bad a thing for a colonel as for a captain, as the former can much more easily
get a furlough. Then after I have undertaken this work, I shall feel that what
I have to do is to prove that a negro can be made a good soldier, and, that
being established, it will not be a point of honor with me to see the war
through, unless I really occupied a position of importance in the army.
Hundreds of men might leave the army, you know, without injuring the service in
the slightest degree
I am inclined to
think that the undertaking will not meet with so much opposition as was at
first supposed. All sensible men in the army, of all parties, after a little
thought, say that it is the best thing that can be done; and surely those at
home who are not brave or patriotic enough to enlist should not ridicule or
throw obstacles in the way of men who are going to fight for them. There is a
great prejudice against it, but now that it has become a government matter,
that will probably wear away. At any rate, I sha'n't be frightened out of it by
its unpopularity
I feel convinced I
shall never regret having taken this step, as far as I myself am concerned; for
while I was undecided I felt ashamed of myself, as if I were cowardly.
SOURCE: Thomas Wentworth Higginson, Editor, Harvard
Memorial Biographies, Volume 2, p. 202-3
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