Thursday, March 12, 2015

Brigadier-General John A. Rawlins to Mary Emeline Hurlburt Rawlins, April 13, 1864

Culpepper C. H., Va., April 13, 1864.

. . . I have not been well to-day, owing to the large doses of medicine I have taken for my cough . . .  The quantity of opium has affected my whole system inasmuch as to produce a sensation of numbness and drowsiness and given me a bad headache. I have slept the whole day as it were, and feel considerably better now, but am most miserable. I have seen the doctor and he directs me to diminish the dose.

General Wilson is here. He has been assigned to the command of a cavalry division in the Army of the Potomac. I hope it may secure his confirmation. As for my own, I have little hope. The Senate is holding it over until the papers of another staff officer, General Ingalls, are examined. If his are all right, mine may possibly go through. If not, his will be passed over ostensibly because of his being a staff officer, but really because his accounts are wrong, and mine will meet the same fate.

This is a beautiful story, that the Senate of the United States will make the confirmation of any officer depend upon the character of another. It is all idle talk. I will not be confirmed simply because there are such officers as Kilby Smith for whom places must be kept. He has been confirmed of course. I did not seek my appointment nor have I asked any living man to try to influence my confirmation. All who know me are aware of my devotion to my country. The only poignant grief that pierces my heart is the effect a failure of my confirmation may have upon your mind. If I go out of the service it is to strike hands with poverty and wrestle with existence. . . .

SOURCE: James H. Wilson, The Life of John A. Rawlins, p. 414-5

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