Baton Rouge.
Well! Day before yesterday, I almost vowed I would not return, and last evening
I reached here. Verily, consistency, thou art a jewel! I determined to get to
town to lay both sides of the question before mother; saving home and property,
by remaining, thereby cutting ourselves off forever from the boys and dying of
yellow fever; or flying to Mississippi, losing all save our lives. So as Mrs.
Brunot was pani c-stricken and determined to die in town rather than be starved
at Greenwell, and was going in on the same wagon that came out the night
before, I got up with her and Nettie, and left Greenwell at ten yesterday
morning, bringing nothing except this old book, which I would rather not lose,
as it has been an old and kind friend during these days of trouble. At first, I
avoided all mention of political affairs, but now there is nothing else to be
thought of; if it is not burnt for treason, I will like to look it over some
day — if I live. I left Greenwell, without ever looking around it, beyond one
walk to the hotel, so I may say I hardly know what it looks like. Miriam
stayed, much against her will, I fear, to bring in our trunks, if I could send
a wagon.
A guerrilla picket stopped us before we had gone a mile, and
seemed disposed to turn us back. We said we must pass; our all was at stake.
They then entreated us not to enter, saying it was not safe. I asked if they
meant to burn it; “We will help try it,” was the answer. I begged them to delay
the experiment until we could get away. One waved his hat to me and said he
would fight for me. Hope he will — at a distance. They asked if we had no
protectors; “None,” we said. “Don't go, then”; and they all looked so sorry for
us. We said we must; starvation, and another panic awaited us out there, our
brothers were fighting, our fathers dead; we had only our own judgment to rely
on, and that told us home was the best place for us; if the town must burn, let
us burn in our houses, rather than be murdered in the woods. They looked still
more sorry, but still begged us not to remain. We would, though, and one young
boy called out as we drove off, “What's the name of that young lady who refused
the escort?” I told him, and they too expressed the greatest regret that she
had not accepted. We met many on the road, nearly all of whom talked to us, and
as they were most respectful in their manner (though they saw us in a mule
team!), we gave them all the information we could, which was all news to them,
though very little. Such a ride in the hot sun, perched up in the air! One of
the servants remarked, “Miss Sarah ain't ashamed to ride in a wagon!” With
truth I replied, “No, I was never so high before.”
Two miles from home we met the first Federal pickets, and then
they grew more numerous, until we came on a large camp near our graveyard,
filled with soldiers and cannon. From first to last none refrained from
laughing at us; not aloud, but they would grin and be inwardly convulsed with
laughter as we passed. One laughed so comically that I dropped my veil hastily
for fear he would see me smile. I could not help it; if any one smiled at me
while I was dying, I believe I would return it. We passed crowds, for it was
now five o'clock, and all seemed to be promenading. There were several officers
standing at the corner, near our house, who were very much amused at our
vehicle. I did not feel like smiling then. After reducing us to riding in a
mule team, they were heartless enough to laugh! I forgot them presently, and
gave my whole attention to getting out respectably. Now getting in a
wagon is bad enough; but getting out —! I hardly know how I managed it. I had
fully three feet to step down before reaching the wheel; once there, the driver
picked me up and set me on the pavement. The net I had gathered my hair in,
fell in my descent, and my hair swept down halfway between my knee and ankle in
one stream. As I turned to get my little bundle, the officers had moved their
position to one directly opposite to me, where they could examine me at
leisure. Queens used to ride drawn by oxen hundreds of years ago, so I played
this was old times, the mules were oxen, I a queen, and stalked off in a style
I am satisfied would have imposed on June herself. When I saw them as I turned,
they were perfectly quiet; but Nettie says up to that moment they had been in
convulsions of laughter, with their handkerchiefs to their faces. It was not
polite!
I found mother safe, but the house was in the most horrible
confusion. Jimmy's empty cage stood by the door; it had the same effect on me
that empty coffins produce on others. Oh, my birdie! At six, I could no longer
stand my hunger. I had fasted for twelve hours, with the exception of a
mouthful of hoecake at eleven; I that never fasted in my life! — except last
Ash Wednesday when Lydia and I tried it for breakfast, and got so sick we were
glad to atone for it at dinner. So I got a little piece of bread and corn beef
from Mrs. Daigre's servant, for there was not a morsel here, and I did not know
where or what to buy. Presently some kind friend sent me a great short-cake, a
dish of strawberry preserves, and some butter, which I was grateful for, for
the fact that the old negro was giving me part of her supper made me rather
sparing, though she cried, “Eat it all, honey! I get plenty more!”
Mother went to Cousin Will's, and I went to Mrs. Brunot's to
sleep, and so ended my first day's ride on a mule team. Bah! A lady can make
anything respectable by the way she does it! What do I care if I had been
driving mules? Better that than walk seventeen miles.
I met Dr. DuChêne
and Dr. Castleton twice each, this morning. They were as kind to me as they
were to the girls the other day. The latter saved them a disagreeable visit,
while here. He and those three were packing some things in the hall, when two
officers passed, and prepared to come in, seeing three good-looking girls
seemingly alone, for Miriam's dress hid Dr. Castleton as he leaned over the
box. Just then she moved, the Doctor raised his head, and the officers started
back with an “Ah!” of surprise. The Doctor called them as they turned away, and
asked for a pass for the young ladies. They came back bowing and smiling, said
they would write one in the house, but they were told very dryly that there were
no writing accommodations there. They tried the fascinating, and were much
mortified by the coldness they met. Dear me! “Why wasn't I born old and ugly?”
Suppose I should unconsciously entrap some magnificent Yankee! What an awful
thing it would be!!
Sentinels are stationed at every corner; Dr. Castleton
piloted me safely through one expedition; but on the next, we had to part
company, and I passed through a crowd of at least fifty, alone. They were
playing cards in the ditch, and swearing dreadfully, these pious Yankees; many
were marching up and down, some sleeping on the pavement, others — picking
odious bugs out of each other's heads! I thought of the guerrillas, yellow
fever, and all, and wished they were all safe at home with their mothers and sisters,
and we at peace again.
What a day I have had! Here mother and I are alone, not a
servant on the lot. We will sleep here to-night, and I know she will be too
nervous to let me sleep. The dirt and confusion were extraordinary in the
house. I could not stand it, so I applied myself to making it better. I
actually swept two whole rooms! I ruined my hands at gardening, so it made no
difference. I replaced piles of books, crockery, china, that Miriam had left
packed for Greenwell; I discovered I could empty a dirty hearth, dust, move
heavy weights, make myself generally useful and dirty, and all this is thanks
to the Yankees! Poor me! This time last year I thought I would never walk
again! If I am not laid up forever after the fatigue of this last week, I shall
always maintain I have a Constitution. But it all seems nothing in this
confusion; everything is almost as bad as ever. Besides that, I have been
flying around to get Miriam a wagon. I know she is half distracted at being
there alone. Mother chose staying with all its evils. Charlie's life would pay
the penalty of a cotton burner if he returned, so Lilly remains at Greenwell
with him. We three will get on as best we can here. I wrote to the country to
get a wagon, sent a pass from Headquarters, but I will never know if it reached
her until I see her in town. I hope it will; I would be better satisfied with
Miriam.
SOURCE: Sarah Morgan Dawson, A Confederate Girl's
Diary, p. 57-62
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