I suppose the end is
near, for there is no more hope for the South to gain her independence. On the
10th of this month we were told by an officer that all those who wished to get
out of prison by taking the oath of allegiance to the United States could do so
in a very few days. There was quite a consultation among the prisoners. On the
morning of the 12th we heard that Lee had surrendered on the 9th, and about
400, myself with them, took the cursed oath and were given transportation to
wherever we wanted to go. I took mine to New York City to my parents, whom I
have not seen since 1858. Our cause is lost; our comrades who have given their
lives for the independence of the South have died in vain; that is, the cause
for which they gave their lives is lost, but they positively did not give their
lives in vain. They gave it for a most righteous cause, even if the Cause was
lost. Those that remain to see the end for which they fought—what have we left?
Our sufferings and privations would be nothing had the end been otherwise, for
we have suffered hunger, been without sufficient clothing, barefooted, lousy,
and have suffered more than any one can believe, except soldiers of the
Southern Confederacy. And the end of all is a desolated home to go to. When I
commenced this diary of my life as a Confederate soldier I was full of hope for
the speedy termination of the war, and our independence. I was not quite
nineteen years old. I am now twenty-three. The four years that I have given to
my country I do not regret, nor am I sorry for one day that I have given—my
only regret is that we have lost that for which we fought. Nor do I for one
moment think that we lost it by any other way than by being outnumbered at
least five if not ten to one. The world was open to the enemy, but shut out to us.
I shall now close
this diary in sorrow, but to the last I will say that, although but a private,
I still say our Cause was just, nor do I regret one thing that I have done to
cripple the North.
SOURCE: Louis
Leon, Diary of a Tar Heel Confederate Soldier, p. 69-71
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