Charles-town, Jefferson County, Va.,
Monday, Nov. 28, 1859.
Hon. D. R. Tilden.
My Dear Sir, —
Your most kind and comforting letter of the 23d inst. is received. I have no
language to express the feelings of gratitude and obligation I am under for
your kind interest in my behalf ever since my disaster. The great bulk of
mankind estimate each other's actions and motives by the measure of success or
otherwise that attends them through life. By that rule, I have been one of the
worst and one of the best of men. I do not claim to have been one of the
latter, and I leave it to an impartial tribunal to decide whether the world has
been the worse or the better for my living and dying in it. My present great
anxiety is to get as near in readiness for a different field of action as I
well can, since being in a good measure relieved from the fear that my poor
broken-hearted wife and children would come to immediate want. May God reward a
thousandfold all the kind efforts made in their behalf! I have enjoyed
remarkable cheerfulness and composure of mind ever since my confinement; and it
is a great comfort to feel assured that I am permitted to die for a cause, —
not merely to pay the debt of nature, as all must. I feel myself to be most
unworthy of so great distinction. The particular manner of dying assigned to me
gives me but very little uneasiness. I wish I had the time and the ability to
give you, my dear friend, some little idea of what is daily, and I might almost
say hourly, passing within my prison walls; and could my friends but witness
only a few of these scenes, just as they occur, I think they would feel very
well reconciled to my being here, just what I am, and just as I am. My whole
life before had not afforded me one half the opportunity to plead for the
right. In this, also, I find much to reconcile me to both my present condition
and my immediate prospect. I may be very insane; and I am so, if insane at all.
But if that be so, insanity is like a very pleasant dream to me. I am not in
the least degree conscious of my ravings, of my fears, or of any terrible
visions whatever; but fancy myself entirely composed, and that my sleep, in
particular, is as sweet as that of a healthy, joyous little infant. I pray God
that he will grant me a continuance of the same calm but delightful dream,
until I come to know of those realities which eyes have not seen and which ears
have not heard. I have scarce realized that I am in prison or in irons at all.
I certainly think I was never more cheerful in my life.
I intend to take the liberty of sending by express to your
care some trifling articles for those of my family who may be in Ohio, which
you can hand to my brother Jeremiah when you may see him, together with fifteen
dollars I have asked him to advance to them. Please excuse me so often
troubling you with my letters or any of my matters. Please also remember me most
kindly to Mr. Griswold, and to all others who love their neighbors. I write
Jeremiah to your care.
Your friend in truth,
John Brown.
SOURCES: Franklin B. Sanborn, The Life and Letters
of John Brown, p. 609-10
