Nashville, February 13, 1864
. . . This is my thirty-third birthday. In looking back to
my earliest remembrance of events, how full of anxiety and fears, of cherished
but disappointed hopes my life has been, and still withal how fortunate in the
realization of my most extravagant youthful dreams! In some things I flatter
myself I have held my own. I entered life poor, and am in that position now. I
had the warm love of my parents, and have now, never having for a moment
estranged them from me. In my young heart of high hopes they inculcated
principles of virtue, honesty and patriotism. In the light of these I have
sought ever to walk, but that I have many times deviated, it were sinful to
deny. Yet beyond the reach of their pure rays and the whispering of conscience
I have never wandered. In youth I had many friends, who in numbers and warmth
of affection have multiplied as the sphere of my acquaintance has extended.
With only such an education as a sparsely settled country afforded, I passed
creditably from manual to mental labor, from the plough to the bar, and from
civil to military life, thereby exchanging the sweets of peace for the
bitterness of war. I have attained in rank the highest grade but one in the
army, and been honorably connected with the most important successes of our
arms, passing unharmed, although exposed in person, through the battles of
Belmont, Fort Donelson, Shiloh, the siege of Corinth, the battles in the
campaign and siege of Vicksburg, and in those about Chattanooga. In my domestic
relations I have been peculiarly fortunate and most happy, not without sorrow,
however, death having entered and for a while cast a gloom of sadness over my
home. This was the loss of my first wife whom I loved so well for her
amiability of manner, gentleness, sweetness of disposition and virtue. Few of
earth's daughters were so lovely; none in Heaven stands nearer the throne. . .
.
SOURCE: James H. Wilson, The Life of John A. Rawlins,
p. 398-9
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