I had thought my running days were over; so little did I
anticipate another stampede that I did not notice the report of the attack that
was prophesied for night before last, and went to bed without gathering my
clothes. But to-day comes a hasty note from Charlie, telling us to leave
instantly as General Breckinridge is advancing with ten thousand men to attack
us, and at 12 M. yesterday was within thirty-four miles. He begged us to leave
today; there would be trouble before to-morrow night. It was so earnest, and he
asserted all so positively, that we are going to Phillie's this evening to stay
a week, as they say eight days will decide. Ah, me! our beautiful town! Still I
am skeptical. If it must be, pray Heaven that the blow comes now!
Nothing can be equal to suspense. These poor men! Are they not dying fast
enough? Will Baumstark have orders for an unlimited supply of coffins next
week? Only Charlie's family, ours, and the Brunots know it. He enjoined the
strictest secrecy, though the Brunots sent to swear Mrs. Loucks in, as she,
like ourselves, has no protector. I would like to tell everybody; but it will
warn the Federals. I almost wish we, too, had been left in ignorance; it is
cruel to keep it to ourselves. I believe the Yankees expect something; “they
say” they have armed fifteen hundred negroes. Foes and insurrection in town,
assailing friends outside. — Nice time!
Our cavalry has passed the Amite. Poor Charlie has come all the
way to the ferry landing on the other side to warn us. If we do not take
advantage, it will not be for want of knowing what is to come. How considerate
it was in him to come such a long way! I am charmingly excited! If I only had a
pair of breeches, my happiness would be complete. Let it come! I lose all, but
in Heaven's name let us have it over at once! My heart fails when I look
around, but “Spit fire!” and have an end to this at once! Liberty forever,
though death be the penalty.
Treason! Here lies my pass at my elbow, in which has been
gratuitously inserted that “Parties holding it are considered to give their
parole not to give information, countenance, aid, or support to the so-called
Confed. S.” As I did not apply for it, agree to the stipulation, or think it by
any means proper, I don't consider it binding. I could not give my word for
doing what my conscience tells me is Right. I cross with this book full of
treason. It “countenances” the C. S.; shall I burn it? That is a stupid ruse;
they are too wise to ask you to subscribe to it, they just append it.
SOURCE: Sarah Morgan Dawson, A Confederate Girl's
Diary, p. 139-40
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