New-York, Dec. 20th, 1862,
Saturday.
My own dear, dear Son:
I have many times during the past week thought of writing
you, but I could not. Disaster, death, and the sickness of distressing fears
have kept me quiet, striving for a firm trust and confidence in the mercy of
God. My mind has been greatly relieved on your account, by seeing in the Herald
that Burns' Division, of which the 79th formed a part, were not under fire,
although they rendered important service. Thanks and praise to Him who has, I
trust, again brought you safely through the perils of the battlefield. When the
news of the repulse, with the dreadful loss on our side, reached New-York,
gloom and despondency rested on all who had hearts to feel for anything. The
sickening list of dead and wounded have been read over again and again, by
mothers and sisters with tears and groans. Fathers sink their heads in anguish,
and for all this distress and agony, we have gained nothing. But my dear son,
the Nation is now I believe fully aroused, and the awful responsibility of this
dreadful slaughter must rest where it belongs. None of our rulers, we hope and
believe, will now escape the searching ordeal, and though this thought brings
little consolation to the “desolated hearth,” yet for the brave hearts still “battling
for their country,” it may bring some cheer. I visited St. Vincent's Hospital
yesterday with your Aunt Maria, who is constantly doing good from her abundant
means to the sick and wounded soldiers. I talked with one poor fellow who had
lost a leg, and was lying weak and pale in bed. He was so uncomplaining, so
cheerful, I looked and wondered. He was so glad to get newspapers, he felt
anxious about his brothers in the army before Fredericksburg, he had looked
over the lists and their names were not there, and so he hoped they were safe.
I told him I had my anxieties too, I had a dear son there, but so many days had
passed I had courage to hope now. I learnt a lesson by that bedside. I am
waiting, watching for letters from you. I feel that good reasons of some kind
prevent my hearing. Sam and Wm. Elliott called to see me last Sunday evening,
but I was out, which I deeply regretted. Lilly saw them, as they called first
at our boarding-house, 24 West 31st Street. I am still on Murray Hill, but am
going into my own apartments early next week. Wm. Elliott said he saw in
Washington a picture of Gen. Stevens and his staff, and as he was buying one
for himself he also bought one for us, which he would soon bring to us. The
likeness of you he says is very good. Dr. Elliott has been transferred to the
Second Hawkins Zouaves and will be in N. Y., he thinks, two months longer. I
presume your Uncle will write you about your proposition to raise money for the
Highlanders uniform. He seems to be considering the matter, though he has said
little except that it would be well, and might perhaps be done, if you could
come on yourself. We do not feel that the Highlanders, although a valiant
Regt., have been just or kind to you. We are proud of the deeds of that gallant
corps however, and if they do you the justice that is your due, I think your
friends would gladly assist them. Nellie is hurrying me so I must close.
Charlie Johnson is engaged to Miss Julia White, sister to Dr. Lee's wife.
God bless you, my own dear son. If the prayers of mother and
sisters are indeed a shelter, ours have not been in vain. May God guard, guide,
be with you everywhere, is my constant cry to Him. Uncle P., Aunt M., Nellie,
Thomas, Lilly, all unite in love to you and in gratitude to God for your
preservation from danger.
Always my own dear,
dear son, your very
Loving Mother.
SOURCE: William Chittenden Lusk, Editor, War Letters
of William Thompson Lusk, p. 252-4
