I have been very
sick. This is the first time I have felt able to make a mark with a pencil. I
was taken in the night, after the day I thought myself so much better. Was
taken out in the tent, from which I judge I have had fever.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 89
Am very weak yet. A little
tires me out. A letter from Herman just a month old. Coon died last night, but
we none of us knew it till we saw him carried out.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 89
Getting better fast,
but can't write much yet.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 89
Was carried back
into the house to-day and put among the convalescents. I must be getting well,
but it is slow. Most all the time I was worst off Dr. Andrus let me have
anything I wanted to eat, but then I couldn't eat it. Now I can eat, he has cut
me down to nothing. What he allows me only makes me crazy for more.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 89
Had a wash and a
shave and am tired out. The regiment has marching orders. Wish I was out of
this to go with them.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 89
Gunboats are said to
be going up the river every day. I wonder what's up.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 89
Don't feel quite so
smart as I did. This getting well is slow business.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 89
The boys say they
are ready to march, but don't get any further orders. Letters from home. Have
written to father wish I could see him.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 90
Not feeling so good
these last few days.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 90
Have my pants on and
have made up my bed. If this keeps on I'll soon be able to hunt for something
to eat.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 90
Ben Crowther is
awful sick. He is a fine fellow and we hate to lose him. He is of better stuff
than the average of us. I wish I could kill his nurse, for he has him tied down
to the bed and stands laughing at his efforts to get loose. But it is the only
way to keep him in one place, for he is out of his head. Talks to his wife as
if she was right by his side.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 90
Last night I got a little box from home. That I may never forget a single thing in it I'll put them right down now. On top was a New York Sun, next a dear little letter from Jane. A little package of tea, a bottle of Arnold's Balsam, a pipe, a comb (wish it had been a fine tooth comb), a little hand looking-glass, a spool of thread, a lot of buttons, a good lead pencil, a pair of scissors, a ball of soap, half a paper of pins, a darning needle and a small needle, a steel pen and way down in the bottom a little gold locket which made the tears come. God bless the dear ones at home. How thoughtful and how kind of them to think of so many things, and all useful, too.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 90
Too much excitement
yesterday and I feel like two weeks ago. The doctor says I will have these
setbacks though and it is only a part of the process of getting well. A man
named Kipp died to-day. I don't know how many die out in the tent.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 91
Poor Crowthers died
very peacefully about noon to-day. His cot is next mine and he seemed like one
of the family to me. The company has undertaken to raise money to send his body
home.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 91
Orderly Holmes is
very sick. His discharge is under his pillow (or knapsack). He lies in a room
next to this and I can hear him talk, giving orders to the company as if he
were well.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 91
This is a hard spot
to get well in. Two poor fellows are near their end to all appearances, and it
is trying to hear them rave about home and their families. I am glad their
friends cannot see and hear them. And yet the hardened wretches called nurses
find something in it to laugh at. I wish I could change places between them and
the sick ones. Wrote three letters to-day and don't feel so very tired. Begin
to think Dr. Andrus was right. If he would only let me eat about four times as
much, what a jewel he would be.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 91
The finest morning
yet. The air is just right. The birds are singing, the sun shining bright and
everything seems just right for getting well. A man named Barker died last
night about midnight. He has seemed to be dying for a week and we have watched
to see him breathe his last any minute. Orderly Holmes is better and may get
well after all. Some of the boys killed an alligator to-day and cooked and ate
his tail. They say it is just as good as fish and looked like fish.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, pp . 91-2
Have been
downstairs. My legs just made out to get me there and back. Will they ever get
strong again? But I am getting there, slow but sure, as I can see by looking
back only a short time.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 92
Another fine day,
and another trip downstairs. My legs behaved better this time. Am not near so tired.
Now that I can write without getting tired I must put down some things I
remember, but which I could not write at the time. I shall always remember them
of course, but I want to see how near I can describe them on paper. First I
want to say how very kind my comrades have been all through. I can think of
many acts of kindness now that I paid little attention to then, but they kept
coming along just the same. Whatever else I think of, the thought of their care
for me and how they got passes and tramped miles to get me something to eat,
always taking it to Dr. Andrus first to see if it would do for me these
thoughts keep coming up and my load of gratitude keeps getting heavier. Can I
ever repay them? God has been good to me, better than I deserve. I was first
taken to the room where I am now writing. I remember but little of what
happened before I was taken out and put in the big hospital tent. It is a large
affair, made up of several tents joined together endwise and wide enough for
two rows of cots along the side, with an alley through the middle, towards
which our feet all pointed.
I remember the head
medical man coming through every day or so and the doctors would take him to
certain cots, where they would look on the fellows lying there and put down something
in a book. I soon noticed that most always such a one died in a short time, and
I watched for their coming to my cot. One day they did, and I remember how it
made me feel. Dr. Andrus was so worked down that a strange doctor was in
charge, but under Dr. Andrus, who had charge over all. When he came through I
motioned to him and he came and sat on the next cot, when I told him I would
get well if I could get something good to eat. "All right," said he,
"what will you have?" I told him a small piece of beefsteak. He sent
one of the nurses to his mess cook and he soon came back with a plate and on it
a little piece of steak which he prepared to feed me. But the smell was enough
and I could not even taste it. The doctor then proceeded to eat it, asking if I
could think of anything else. I thought a bottle of beer would surely taste
good and so he sent to the sutler's for it. But he had to drink that too, for I
could not. He laughed at me and though I was disappointed, it cheered me up
more than anything else had done for a long time. When I got so I could eat, I
surely thought he would starve me to death.
A poor fellow across
the tent opposite me got crazy and it took several men to hold him on his cot.
The doctor came and injected something in his breast which quieted him for the
night, but when it wore off he was just as bad and he finally died in one of
them. On my right lay a man sick unto death, while on my left lay another whose
appetite had come and who was begging everybody for something to eat. His company
boys brought him some bread and milk which he ate as if famished. The next
morning when I awoke and looked about to see how many faces were covered up I
found both my right and left hand neighbors had died in the night and their
blankets were drawn up over their faces. The sights I saw while I was able to
realize what was going on were not calculated to cheer me up and how I
acted when I was out of my head I don't know. At any rate I got better and was
brought back to this room, where I have since been.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, pp. 92-4
Had a thunder shower
in the night and some sharp lightning. Was not allowed to go out to-day on
account of the ground being wet. We hear of hard fighting up the river, but
reports get so twisted I put little stock in them. Still I hope they are true,
for they are most all favorable to our side.
SOURCE:
Lawrence Van Alstyne, Diary of an Enlisted Man, p. 94
