Once more a cripple and consigned to my bed, for how long,
Heaven only knows. This is written while in a horizontal position, reposing on
my right arm, which is almost numb from having supported me for some sixteen
hours without turning over. Let me see if I can remember how it happened.
Last evening we started out to see Gibbes, just Miriam and
Anna in one buggy, and Mrs. Badger and I in the other. Gibbes proper, that is,
the Captain, and the General both approved, but neither could accompany us. It
is useless to say how much I objected to going without a gentleman. Indeed,
when we reached the road which formed the fourth side of the square formed by
Colonel Breaux's, Captain Bradford's, and Captain Fenner's camps, I thought I
should die of terror on finding myself in such a crowd of soldiers on parade.
My thick veil alone consoled me, but I made a vow that I would not go through
it again, not if I never saw Gibbes, Jr., again on earth.
His camp lay far off from the road, so that we had to drive
out to it between the other two, and asked a soldier to tell him that we were
there. Presently he came up, looking so pleased that I was almost glad that we
had come; and then Captain Fenner appeared, looking charmed, and Lieutenant
Harris, who looked more alarmed and timid than I. Captain Fenner exerted himself
to entertain us, and seeing how frightened I was, assured me that it was an
everyday occurrence for young ladies to visit them in parties without
gentlemen, and that it was done all through the Confederacy; which, however,
did not comfort me for the hundreds of eyes that were looking at us as our
small party stood out in front of the encampment around a cannon. I think he
can throw more expression into his eyes than any one I ever saw. Miriam
suggested sending Gibbes to the Provost to get our pass in order to avoid the
crowd that might be there. Eager to leave the present one for a more retired
spot, I exclaimed, “Oh, no! let us go ourselves! We can't get in a worse crowd!”
I meant a greater; but Captain Fenner looked so comically at me that I
could scarcely laugh out an apology, while he laughed so that I am sure he did
not listen to me. What a comical mouth! I liked him very much, this
time. He promised to come out to-day or to-morrow, and have a game of “Puss
wants a corner” in the sugar-house. But now I can't join in, though it was to
me the promise was made.
But to the catastrophe at once.
As we left, we insisted on taking Gibbes to get our pass,
and made him get into Miriam's buggy, where there was space for him to kneel
and drive. I was to carry out my promise to Mr. Enders. We had to pass just by
the camp of the First Alabama, Colonel Steadman's, where the whole regiment was
on parade. We had not gone thirty yards beyond them when a gun was discharged.
The horse instantly ran off. I don't believe there could be two cooler
individuals than Mrs. Badger and I were. I had every confidence in her being
able to hold him so long as the bridle lasted. I had heard that there was more
danger in jumping at such moments than in remaining quiet, so I sat still.
There was nothing to hold to, as it was a no-top, or what I call a “lowneck,”
buggy; so my hands rested quietly in my lap. Presently I saw the left rein snap
close to the horse's mouth. I knew all was over then, but did not utter a word.
Death seemed inevitable, and I thought it was as well to take it coolly. The
horse turned abruptly; I felt that something impelled me out, followed the
impulse, saw Mrs. Badger's white cape fluttering above me, received a blow on
the extremity of my spine that I thought would kill me before I reached the ground,
landing, however, on my left hip, and quietly reclining on my left elbow, with
my face to an upset buggy whose wheels spun around in empty air. I heard a rush
as of horses; I saw men galloping up; I would have given worlds to spring to my
feet, or even to see if they were exposed; but found I could not move. I had no
more power over my limbs than if they were iron; only the intense pain told me
I was still alive. I was perfectly conscious, but unable to move. My only
wonder was why Miriam, who was in front, did not come to me. My arm was giving
away. Dimly, as through a haze, or dream, I saw a soldier bending over me,
trying to raise me. The horse he had sprung from rushed up to his master, and
reared up over me. I saw the iron hoofs shining above my body; death was
certain this time, but I could not move. He raised his arm and struck him, and
obedient to the blow the animal turned aside and let his feet fall without
crushing me. Mrs. Carter, when she heard it described, offered a fabulous sum
for a correct drawing of that most interesting tableau, the gallant Alabamian
supporting a helpless form on one arm, while he reined in a fiery charger with
the other. I was not aware of the romance; I was conscious only of the
unpleasant situation.
Dozens crowded around, and if I had been a girl for display,
here was an opportunity, for thirty pair of soldier arms were stretched out to
hold me. “No! Gibbes! Gibbes!” I whispered, and had the satisfaction of being
transferred from a stranger's to my cousin's arms. Gibbes trembled more than I,
but with both arms clasped around me, held me up. But for that I would have
returned to my original horizontal position. “Send for the doctor!” cried one. “A
surgeon, quick!” cried another. “Tell them no!” I motioned. I was conscious of
a clatter of hoofs and cloud of dust. One performed a feat never heard of
before. He brought a glass of water at full gallop which I instantly drained by
way of acknowledgment. I think I felt the unpleasant situation more than the
pain. Not being accustomed to being the centre of attraction, I was by no means
pleased with the novel experience. Miriam held my hand, and questioned me with
a voice tremulous with fear and laughter. Anna convulsively sobbed or giggled
some question. I felt the ridiculous position as much as they. Laughing was
agony, but I had to do it to give them an excuse, which they readily seized to
give vent to their feelings, and encouraged by seeing it, several gold-band
officers joined in, constantly endeavoring to apologize or check themselves
with a “Really, Miss, it may seem unfeeling, but it is impossible” — the rest
was lost in a gasp, and a wrestle between politeness and the desire to laugh.
I don't know what I was thinking of, but I certainly paid
very little attention to what was going on. I only wanted to get home, away
from all those eyes; and my most earnest wish made me forget them. The first
remark I heard was my young Alabamian crying, “It is the most beautiful
somerset I ever saw! Indeed, it could not be more gracefully done! Your feet
did not show!” Naȉf,
but it was just what I wanted to know, and dared not ask. Some one ran up, and
asked who was hurt, and I heard another reply, “I am afraid the young lady is
seriously injured, only she won't acknowledge it. It is worth while looking at
her. She is the coolest, most dignified girl you ever saw”; and another was
added to the already too numerous audience. Poor Mrs. Badger, having suffered
only from torn clothing, received very little sympathy, while I got more than
my share. I really believe that the blow I received was from her two hundred
and forty pound body, though the Alabamian declares he saw the overturning
buggy strike me as I fell.
To her and others I am indebted for the repetition of many a
remark that escaped me. One bold soldier boy exclaimed, “Madame, we are all
warriors, but we can't equal that! It is braver than any man!” I had to laugh
occasionally to keep my spirits up, but Miriam ordered me to quit, saying that
I would go off in hysterics. I had previously repeatedly declared to the Doctor
that I was not hurt, and seeing him idle, and hearing Miriam's remark, the Alabamian
— I am told — cried, “O Doctor! Doctor! can't you do something? Is she going to
have hysterics?” “Really,” said the Doctor, “the young lady objects to being
examined; but as far as I can judge, she has no limbs broken.” Everybody
ordered me to confess at once my injury; but how was I to inform a whole crowd
that I had probably broken the tip of my backbone, and could not possibly sit
down? So I adhered to my first affirmation, and made no objection when they
piled the cushions up and made Gibbes put me down; for I knew he must be tired.
I am told I remained there an hour. I know they talked to
me, and that I answered; but have not an idea of the subject. A gentleman
brought a buggy, and offered to drive me home; but a Captain Lenair insisted on
running after the ambulance. Arrived there, Mr. Enders says he rushed in,
crying, “For God's sake, General Beale, lend me the ambulance! There is a dreadful
accident, and I am afraid the young lady will die!” Coming back he exclaimed, “By
Jove! boys, if you want to see a sight, run down and see her hair! The
prettiest auburn (?) you ever looked at, and sweeps the ground! I wouldn't mind
such a fall if I had such hair to show. Come look at it, do!" Mr. Enders
says he was sure that it was I, as soon as hair was mentioned, and started out
as soon as he had finished a duty he had to perform. My garter, a purple silk
ribbon, lay in the centre of the ring. By the respectful silence observed, I
saw they recognized its use, so, unwilling to leave such a relic behind, I
asked aloud for my “ribbon,” whereupon Anna says the officers pinched each
other and smiled. Up came the ambulance, and I was in imminent danger of being
carried to it, when with a desperate effort I regained my feet with Gibbes's
help, and reached it without other assistance. Beyond, I could do no more.
Captain Lenair got inside, and several others lifted me up
to him, and I sank motionless on the floor. All bade me good-bye, and my little
Alabamian assured me that he was proud of having been the first to assist me.
President Miller whispered to Mrs. Badger for permission to accompany us, which
she readily granted, and raising me on the seat, he insisted on putting his arm
around me to hold me up. It was useless to decline. “Now, Miss Morgan, I assure
you I am an old married man! I know you are suffering! Let me have my way!” and
the kind old gentleman held me so comfortably, and broke the force of so many
jolts, that I was forced to submit and acknowledge that had it not been for him
I could not have endured the rough road. At the gate that leads to General
Beale's headquarters, I saw half a dozen figures standing. One was Frank Enders,
who hailed the driver. “Hush!” said one I recognized as Captain Lenair. “The
young lady is in there, and the Provost, too!”
“I don't care if it is Jeff Davis, I’ll find out if she is
hurt!” he answered. Miriam and Anna recognized him, as they followed behind us,
and called to him. Without more ado, he jumped into their buggy, finding them
alone, and drove them home. He asked me something as he passed, but I could not
answer.
The road was dreadful. Once the driver mistook it and drove
us within two steps of an embankment six feet high, but discovered the mistake
before the horses went over.
What I most dreaded was explanations when we should arrive.
Miriam stepped out an instant before, and I heard her telling the accident.
Then everybody, big and little, white and black, gathered around the ambulance.
The Provost thought himself privileged to carry me, Gibbes insisted on trying
it with his one arm, when the General picked me up and landed me on the
gallery. He wanted me to lie down in old Mrs. Carter's room, but confident that
once there I could not get up, and feeling that perhaps the gentlemen would
take advantage of its being on the ground floor to suggest calling on me, I
struggled upstairs with Helen's assistance. A dozen hands undressed me, and
laid me on my face in bed, which position I have occupied up to the present, 3 P.M.
. . . Unable to turn, all night I lay
awake, lying on my face, the least comfortable of positions; but though the
slightest motion tortured me, I had to laugh as we talked it over.
Of course, this has been written in scratches, and in my
same position, which will account for many blots. This morning I was
interrupted by mother's unexpected arrival, she having come with Dellie and
Morgan to spend the day. Of course, she is horrified at the accident of that “unfortunate
Sarah”!
SOURCE: Sarah Morgan Dawson, A Confederate Girl's
Diary, p. 279-88
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