Diary of Private John C. West, Friday, April 17, 1863

I left Rusk on the morning of the 16th on a six passenger coach; there were fourteen aboard; the driver was skillful and the road good; I was suffering intensely from dysentery and had a high fever from breakfast time until sundown; oh, the long, long weary miles pent up in that crowded coach; I slept half an hour at Henderson; at the next stand I bathed in the horse bucket and my fever left me; I chewed a piece of salt ham; it was now dark; I laid down on top of the stage coach and was very comfortable about half of the night, but suffered tortures during the latter part of the night; reached Marshall about 7 o'clock in the morning; sent for a physician and will remain here for a day or two, until I am able to travel; Lieutenant Selman had a cup of genuine coffee made for me which I enjoyed very much; Burwell Aycock is trying to get a soft boiled egg for me; I think I will be well in a day or two; this attack was brought on by a check of perspiration after becoming overheated in the walk of four miles to Palestine.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 17

Diary of Private John C. West, Saturday, April 18, 1863

I spent a very uncomfortable night; a dull, steady pain all night; had taken twenty drops of laudanum; had no matches and did not wish to disturb my companions; I did not sleep more than an hour; my friends left this morning for Alexandria via Shreveport; I could have gone with them if my physician, Dr. Johnson, had kept his promise and given me medicine yesterday evening that would have insured a night's rest, but he was detained in the country by an urgent case; General Chambers thinks Texas ought to give three hundred and twenty acres of land for every new born boy; the doctor came in about 8 o'clock in the morning, left three pills for me to take at intervals of two hours and a powder to be taken at bed time; I am getting on very well and will leave here on Monday, I think; I have just discovered that my pocketbook is lost, containing about sixty dollars; I am satisfied that I lost it off the top of the stage between here and the twelve mile stand this side of Rusk; I have had advertisements struck off to this effect, headed, "Lost! Lost!! the Last Red!!!" and asked the stage driver to have them posted on the road every five or six miles; since my pocketbook is gone I feel bound to accept the kind invitation of Mrs. Brownnigg, formerly Octavia Calhoun, to take a room in her house; she has just sent me a nice breakfast, and I have sent her word that I will come down.

I am at Mrs. Brownnigg's in a comfortable room; do not feel as if I were in the way as there is plenty of house room; Mrs. Bacon, formerly Anna Haralson, is here; she arrived yesterday and started to Georgia with Mr. Bacon, but became disgusted with the trip; she and Mrs. Brownnigg both treat me as kindly as though I were a brother, and I know my precious wife would feel very well satisfied if I could receive such treatment every time I am away from her, but there is no attention that approaches the gentle and delicate touch of a wife's hand, and there is no wife whose tenderness and sympathy can equal that of my Mary; I must forego the pleasure of her gentle words and smiles for a season, until the kindness of Providence brings us together again; I am located as well here as I could possibly be at home and may God and good angels guard my benefactors.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 17-9

Diary of Private John C. West, Sunday, April 19, 1863

I rested well last night but had the most hideous dreams all night; Mrs. Brownnigg came in early this morning and asked me into her room; I went and found the fire very comfortable; the doctor came to see me and seems to think I am all right now, but must be careful about my diet; says some good brandy is exactly what I need to recruit on; so I missed it by leaving mine at home. Major Holman called to see me this morning; says he will see my transportation fixed all right; offers relief from the loss of my pocketbook; the doctor does likewise; Mrs. Brownnigg offers me money also. I ate nice toast and drank genuine coffee for breakfast; had chicken soup for dinner; spent most of the day in reading one of Bulwer's novels, entitled, "A Strange Story"; have read fifty or sixty pages, but am not much interested yet. My intention now is to leave here so as to remain at Alexandria the shortest time possible. I learn to-day that Mr. A, my hotel landlord, is tired of soldiers, especially sick ones, and grumbles terribly when one gets out of money at his hotel. If this is true, he is not a true man. I would rather be under obligations to the devil.

Little Bettie Brownnigg is quite a nice girl. Hallie Bacon, several years younger, is in a fair way to be spoiled. There is a young lady, Miss Nora Gregg, staying with Mrs. Brownnigg; she seems to be a clever good girl and is finishing my sock, which wife expected Miss Nannie Norton, of Richmond, Va., to knit for me; she has knit thirty pairs of socks in the last two months; she has a most magnificent suit of soft brown hair.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 19-20

Diary of Private John C. West, Monday, April 20, 1863

I was asleep the greater part of last night, but cannot call it rest. Oh! those hideous dreams which haunted me. I went to a market on Bridge street in Waco, where human flesh, sound and putrid, was bought and sold. I bought and ate, and made my children eat, then dreamed again. Oh! such horrid, phantastic and awful visions as only opium can breed! Fearful crimes were calmly concocted, and the darkest mysteries were enjoyed with devilish glee! Everything which was unholy, everything fiendish, damnable and impure seemed ever present. But the night and the dream have past, and let them be past forever! I am not so well to-day as yesterday, but do not think I will need any more medicine.

Major Holman came to see me again this morning. Mr. Lewis, an old gentleman, formerly clerk of the Federal Court at Tyler, also came to see me. He is just from Huntsville, Alabama, and gave me suggestions as to the route across the Mississippi.

I took a whisky toddy this morning. Miss Beloy came in and brought a very fat, pretty baby, her little sister. She is an amiable looking girl-reminds me of sister Mac (Mrs. DeSanssure) as she looked in the golden old days when we were young and before so many friends had dropped like flowers in the tomb, and when Mac had lightly "supped sorrow." When I have tears to shed let them fall for the dread affliction of my friends, for Oh! how bitterly, bitterly my dear sisters, Mrs. M. B. and Mac DeS. have suffered!

Mrs. Bacon's little girl seems very sick to-day. I have been in Mrs. B.'s room lying on a lounge nearly all the morning.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 20-1

Diary of Private John C. West, Tuesday, April 21, 1863

I went up town this morning; feel like I am growing stronger, but am suffering with a very sore mouth. Think I shall start for Shreveport on Tuesday. Have heard nothing of my pocketbook; paid the printer five dollars for handbills and one dollar for twenty envelopes. Heard today of the death of Captain Brownnigg; announced it to Mrs Brownnigg; the effect was as might have been expected; I thought at first that she would not revive at all; she seems more quiet now. Major Holman promised to let me have money to continue my trip. I am about to commence a letter to my wife.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 21-2

Diary of Private John C. West, Wednesday, April 22, 1863

Got up this morning feeling pretty well and concluded to leave to-morrow; went up town and mailed a letter to my wife; saw Dr. Johnson and got a certificate from him accounting for my delay, and a mixture of chalk and laudanum to take on the road; had a long talk with the doctor and Rev. Mr. Wilson about the Downs and Sparks, citizens of Waco; the doctor refused to charge me anything. I borrowed seventy-five dollars from Major Holman and gave him my note. Have been reading Bulwer's “Strange Story" a good deal to-day. Mrs. Weir came in this evening and talked very kindly to me; wants me to stay longer, but I must go; every man ought to go. Witnessed a cock fight in the streets a few minutes ago and rather enjoyed it; wonder how my chickens come on at home, and what my dear wife and dear little Stark and Mary are doing now. Mrs. Bacon has just brought me a pocketbook, and she and Mrs. Brownnigg and Mrs. Weir have offered me money. Miss Gregg has brought me a toddy and I must drink it. Oh! these women!

"The world was sad, the garden was a wild,

 And man, the hermit, sighed till woman smiled."

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 22-3

Diary of Private John C. West, Thursday, April 23, 1863

Got up early this morning and read Bulwer's "Strange Story" until called to breakfast; after breakfast went to the cars and started to Shreveport; the track is laid for sixteen miles to Jonesville; we traveled over this at very good speed, jolting and swinging a good deal; at Jonesville we took a stage and dragged along for five miles very slowly, but after changing horses got on very well to Mrs. Eppe's, where we had the only nice meal I have found at any place on the road; reached Shreveport about 3:30 p. m.; stopped at the Veranda; went to the quartermaster and got transportation to Alexandria; went down to see the gunboat, Missouri, now being built. I do not understand technicalities well enough to describe her; she is about 120 feet long and the most solid, massive piece of work I ever saw, covered with railroad iron. I started out with Lieutenant Ochiltree to find a private boarding house; found one; don't know the name of the proprietress; charges two dollars per day; sent our baggage around; took a seat in front of quartermaster's office to look at the ladies passing, and other interesting sights; saw some really pretty ones and felt better for it; started home to supper and stopped to take a drink, saw a fight between a red-headed member of the Fourth Texas, from Navarro county, and a citizen of Shreveport; Fourth Texas was worsted and was carried off to the guard house; I went on to supper; after supper discovered a Baptist church on opposite side of the street lighted up; went over and found the minister and two men and four women holding prayer meeting; staid until the meeting closed and concluded that the Shreveport church was in a luke-warm condition; after church I stood in the street and heard a hopeful widow sing some very pretty songs; went back to my boarding house.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 23-4

Diary of Private John C. West, Friday, April 24, 1863

Forgot to say in my diary yesterday that I met Mrs. Conrow, of Waco, and her son, Frank Harris, on their way to Arkadelphia; got up this morning and after breakfast walked up town; loafed about until 10 o'clock; engaged passage in the stage to Alexandria; went to boarding house and wrote a letter to my precious wife and one to my sister, Mrs. Mary West Blair, at Austin; came to town again, and have been witnessing a few games of billiards between Lieutenant Ochiltree and Devoussy, the daguerrean. I am bored to death and want to get away. Lieutenant Ochiltree let me have $35.00, which I am to pay over to Major T. S. Bass, of the First Texas, when I get to Richmond; I am not speaking of Tom Ochiltree, but Lieutenant W. B. Ochiltree, Adjutant Culberson's Eighteenth Regiment, Walker's Division.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 24-5

Diary of Private John C. West, Saturday, April 25, 1863

Left Shreveport at 4 o'clock a. m. in a hack; had a fine pair of horses, and the day being cloudy, had quite a pleasant ride; got a good breakfast at Mr. Allen's; reached the Widow Gamble's about 1 o'clock. This is the most beautiful place I have seen since I left home; every tree has either a rose or a honeysuckle clambering over it, all fragrant and blooming; there is a Cherokee rose hedge all round the farm. This place is within six miles of poor Burney Means' home; he has gone to his rest, and my thoughts were all day of him and our dear old college days. We were fellow students in the South Carolina college; he was my closest and most confidential friend and his smiling face is photographed on my heart forever; I cannot yet fully realize that I shall never see him again.

Reached Mansfield about dark; a neat little village full of pretty girls.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 25

Diary of Private John C. West, Sunday, April 26, 1863

Left Mansfield last night at 10 o'clock, and after a miserable, jolting ride of twenty-nine miles, got to the breakfast stand about 9 o'clock a. m. The road was better and the ride more agreeable for the next twenty-five or thirty miles, which brought me to Natchitoches, La. Met some militia-men, a few soldiers from Sibley's command, all of whom gave the most doleful account of affairs below, on Red river; said that General Kirby Smith and all his staff and everything of military character had left Alexandria on a steamboat for Shreveport; that the Federals were within fourteen miles of Alexandria yesterday morning; that there were 50,000 of them. I do not believe more than half the rumors that are afloat, and am patiently awaiting the arrival of the stage, which left Alexandria last night, to learn something positive.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 25-6

Diary of Private John C. West, Monday, April 27, 1863

After the stage arrived on yesterday evening, I learned that it had come from only about fifty miles below and is not going to Alexandria any more, but is only going forty miles in that direction in order to bring up the stock, etc., on the line. The rumor is that the Federals are in possession of Alexandria; all the troops are retreating in this direction.

I have spent a very disagreeable day; it has been raining all day and kept me confined to the house; I am in a quandary; don't know what to do or where to go; am staying at a Frenchman's house at two dollars and a half per day; have no friend or acquaintance to consult and am utterly at a loss whether to go back to Shreveport or to make an effort to go forward; am afraid to try the latter plan for fear of getting out of money too far from home; think I shall start back to-morrow night.

Read Lycidas' "L'Allegro" and "Il Penseroso" to-day, and a few chapters in "Old Mortality;" one of the longest and most disagreeable days I ever spent in my life; O, for peace and a quiet day with my dear wife and little darlings.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 26-7

Diary of Private John C. West, Tuesday, April 28, 1863

Have spent another long and weary day and suffered all that is incident to a position of suspense and uncertainty; cannot tell what may await me yet, but thus far in the last three days have spent the most disagreeable period of my life. Read "Old Mortality" awhile this morning; walked up town; saw a good many drunken officers and a great deal of drinking; saw a game of billiards on a table without pockets; sixty points instead of one hundred make a game; came to my boarding house and read "Old Mortality" and tried to take a nap, but was too nervous to sleep. The stage from Mansfield has just arrived; I trust it will take a regular trip back and start early; anything to get out of this dead, still state of uncertainty; I would rather go into battle to-morrow than to remain in this position; it gives me too much time to think of home; there is no happiness in this. My French landlady mended my suspenders and made me a cup of coffee this afternoon; she seems to be a kind-hearted creature. We have just had a shower of rain and there is a most beautiful rainbow in the east.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 27-8

Diary of Private John C. West, Wednesday, April 29, 1863

Left Natchitoches at 9 o'clock p. m. on Tuesday and had a very disagreeable ride, taking all night to get to Dutchman Cumberlando to breakfast; ate a strip of bacon and a piece of corn bread for which he charged me a dollar, and that on the heels of an invective against extortions and speculators. I saw on the road to-day large numbers of negroes from the lower parishes of Louisiana whose masters were retreating from the Yankee vandals; saw the tracks of several severe whirlwinds, which have occurred in the last three weeks; was quite sick for a while this afternoon and was not improved by hearing that all stragglers and recruits belonging across the Mississippi were to be detained on this side of Red river; reached Mansfield about 4:30 this afternoon; saw two young ladies riding on horseback; they worked very hard and their arms seemed to be in their way, dangled about very ungracefully; they, however, appeared to enjoy the ride very much.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 28

Diary of Private John C. West, Thursday, April 30, 1863

Left Mansfield at 4 o'clock this morning; had a delightful ride partly through groves of magnolia and beech to the breakfast stand, Mrs. Gamble's. This is the same beautiful place of which I have spoken before; roses and honeysuckles clinging on oaks and hickory. One beautiful cluster of roses was high up among the branches of an old oak which had lately died, its withered leaves still clinging to their places. I thought of fair young maidens bedecking with wreathes the tomb of some powerful giant. Oh, for peace and such a home as this with my precious wife and little darlings, with $10,000.00 per annum and an unwavering faith in the Bible; this would be paradise enough for me. I got an elegant breakfast here and talked a good deal with a sprightly widow who could not understand how one Confederate dollar could redeem another and make the currency any better. Came to Mr. Allen's to dinner and had divers and sundry vegetables; the first I have had this season; enjoyed them hugely. Reached Shreveport at 5 o'clock; washed and put on some clean clothes; the first in three weeks; got shaved and passed for a gentleman; went to the quartermaster's office and protested against my transportation being paid to Alexandria as the stage company failed to carry me there; met Colonel Bagley, of Sibley's brigade. He was wounded in the Bisland fight; told me that Captain Brownnigg was killed by the bursting of a shell, which killed his horse also. Lieutenant Ochiltree is to introduce me after supper to Captain Rice, of Houston, of the First Texas regiment. I am to consult with him about getting across the river; trust I may not be delayed any longer. Must find a fight on this side if I cannot get across the river. While I am writing this, my landlady, Mrs. ———— is thundering in my ears against the Baptists of Shreveport. She says they countenance thieving, false-swearing, etc. It is now 10 o'clock p. m. I have been up town; met Captain Wash Hill and Captain Dave Rice. Hill is just from Richmond and says it is impossible for me to get across the river. I will start, however, with Captain Rice to-morrow morning, for Monroe, and see what can be done. Attended a Baptist prayer meeting to-night; not spiritual enough; too cold.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 28-30

Diary of Private John C. West, April 11, 1863

Left Waco, Texas, on the morning of April 11, 1863; bid adieu to my dear little Stark and Mary at home; said good bye to my sweet wife at the ferryboat landing (at the foot of Bridge street). Nothing of interest occurred on the way to Springfield, (about forty miles east of Waco); saw two or three prairie chickens and a green sportsman trying to kill one; saw at Springfield, as I had left at Waco, a good many stout, able-bodied patriots, who, somehow, kept out of the service; stopped at McCracken's, fifteen miles east of Springfield, for the night; found Mr. McCracken a strong Houston man and would vote for him for governor if he "had to be hauled to the polls in a wagon.

I fear there are too many of this kind and others worse, who will elect Houston if he runs. His election will be an invitation to Yankee invasion. However honest he may be in his devotion to the South, the North would regard his election as an endorsement of his past action.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 13

Diary of Private John C. West, Sunday, April 12, 1863

Left McCracken's at 3 o'clock in the morning. It is my birthday. I am 29 years old to-day (Sunday), Reached Fairfield (70 miles east of Waco) at breakfast; found it quite a neat little town with a large female seminary, but did not stay long enough to walk about the place. Came on to Parker's Bluff, twenty-five miles, for dinner, having passed through a sandy, post-oak country until we reached the Trinity bottom, which is a magnificently fertile spot. The Trinity is a narrow stream with very steep banks, resembling a bayou. Mr. Ward was our host and fed us bountifully on venison and wild turkey. The woods were full of game. We remained at Parker's Bluff until 2 o'clock p. m. on the 13th. There was a gentle norther on the 12th and pretty hard rain on the 13th.

My traveling companions were Lieutenant Selman, Coella Mullins and Burrell Aycock, all of the Fourth Texas regiment, bound for Richmond, Va.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 13-4

Diary of Private John C. West, April 13, 1863

Left Parker's Bluff at 2 o'clock; roads very muddy and one balky horse to contend with. The driver insisted that he would do very well after he became heated. As the sun was very warm the horse accommodated us by getting heated very soon and gave us very little trouble. Within about four miles of Palestine one hind wheel of the coach gave way and we sank very gently into the road. After considerable delay we placed a sliding pole under the axle and went on our way rejoicing, on foot. We strolled into Palestine about 5 o'clock in the afternoon. It has an older and more settled look than the towns in western Texas. The court house square is shaded by very pretty sycamore trees. It is situated in a hilly, red clay region. About one-third of the buildings are brick and the balance are framed buildings. We discovered here some defect in our transportation tickets, and will have to pay our way to Rusk. It will be just my luck to have to pay all the way to Richmond, Va. I have already paid out since the war commenced five times as much for the privilege of serving in the ranks as the government has paid me, but I am perfectly willing to give all I have if the sacrifice will aid my country in achieving its liberty.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 14-5

Diary of Private John C. West, Tuesday, April 14, 1863

Left Palestine about 5 o'clock a. m., in a two-horse wagon; same company, with the addition of Mr. Mathus of the First Texas. The ride to Rusk would have been insupportably dull but for good company; nothing but red clay hills and deep gullies, ornamented with pine and oak. It, however, brought up some pleasing reminiscences of old South Carolina and my boyhood days—the season when ambitious hopes, burned in my breast and I determined I would be a man—little dreaming then that I would have the satisfaction of striking a blow in the holiest cause that ever fired the breast of man, and illustrating by action the feelings which glowed and burned in my little heart, on reading the stories of Wallace and of Tell.

We reached Rusk about 4 o'clock in the afternoon without an incident of interest, and found W. G. Thomas to be the quartermaster there.

He appears to be an accommodating and clever officer and refunded our transportation which we had paid out at Palestine.

To-day is the fifth anniversary of my wedding day, and I have thought often of my dear wife and little ones and wished I could be with them, but I am resolved not to remain quietly at home another moment while a foe is on our soil.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 15-6

Diary of Private John C. West, Wednesday, April 15, 1863

I went to the supper table last night too sick to eat anything; left the table and laid down on a lounge until the hotel keeper could show me a room; I retired early and slept well; got up this morning all right, but did not go to the breakfast table; took a lunch from my own haversack; walked out in town; went to the ten-pin alley and spent an hour rolling; had not played a game before for eight years, and enjoyed it very much; smoked a cigar, a notable scarcity in these times, and returned to the hotel, where I wrote a letter to Judge Devine, and one to my dear wife; may heaven's choicest blessings rest upon her and my sweet children; went to the dinner table and found the landlady apologizing for some defect and two young females discussing the merits of the Episcopal and Baptist faith; got through dinner somehow and walked down to the quartermaster's office; got the Vicksburg Whig; stretched myself out on the counter; read and took a nap; got up; went to the armory and would have enjoyed looking over the work very much but felt sick; it produces four Mississippi rifles per day at $30.00 a piece on contract with the state; I am now sitting at the foot of the hill below the armory.

SOURCE: John Camden West, A Texan in Search of a Fight: Being the Diary and Letters of a Private Soldier in Hood’s Texas Brigade, p. 16-7